I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
