So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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