I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
