Im at strip club and am horny
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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