I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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