my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
