Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
