sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
