There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
