I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
