Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
