I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
