My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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