awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
