She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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