so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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