I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
40s are totally the cure
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize