Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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