you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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