Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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