I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
