Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
