So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
