Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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