My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
