Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize