its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
