i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
