Small penises have feelings too.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize