just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
