i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
