she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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