Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?

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(804): View more from Virginia

It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand

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(732): View more from New Jersey

and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it

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(480): View more from Arizona

Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.

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(217): View more from Illinois

We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed

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(205): View more from Alabama

decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais

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(517): View more from Michigan

She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.

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(425): View more from Washington

I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.

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