shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
