Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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