i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
