I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just forgot I was standing up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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