Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
