Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
