Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
