Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
