The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
