It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
