I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
