Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
