I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I puked a lego.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
