I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
