Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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