Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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