Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
