The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's the barista slut.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
