If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
