There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
