I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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