Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
