We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize