I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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