I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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