I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
