listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
