Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
