I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
