Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
