hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
