The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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