The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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