I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
