All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
