She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
