Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My balls are so social today.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
