i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
